To Be Grateful Or Not To Be

I had my first run-in with gratitude as a child; my parents would insist I say “Thank you” for EVERYTHING. At that time I viewed gratitude the way I felt about brushing my teeth: it was one of those things that grown-ups made you do. I didn’t realize it then, but the act of thanking people taught me to appreciate the good things in life.

I love to read, so my opinions have been influenced by great books. I remember years ago reading Dr. Victor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Dr. Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived the Nazi prison camps, wrote about fellow prisoners who behaved with grace and dignity in the camps. He witnessed amazing examples of human compassion, such as men who walked through the camp comforting others and giving away their bread. Dr. Frankl said this taught him that no matter what happens, human beings can choose their attitude. He called this the only freedom which cannot be taken away from us. After reading his book, I began to look at my own life in a new light. If prisoners of war could look on the bright side, surely I could find something in my life to feel good about.

My favorite book about gratitude is M.J. Ryan’s “Attitudes of Gratitude.” She talks about the benefits of living gratefully and how to practice gratitude in our lives. In the section titled “Gratitude Promotes Health,” Ryan tells of a woman named Josephine who healed a malignant brain tumor by feeling thankful about her life. The theory behind this story is that “scientific research has begun to indicate that positive emotions, such as gratitude and love, have beneficial effects on health. They do so by strengthening and enhancing the immune system.” Endorphins have other positive effects, like alleviating pain. On the flip side, “negative emotions such as worry, anger, and hopelessness” increase adrenaline and slow down the healing process. I have found this to be true in my own experience, especially in dealing with chronic illness. The more I focus on being grateful, the better I feel – emotionally and physically.

Today is a good example of my relationship with gratitude. I have a nasty flu bug, and this morning I woke up feeling pretty sick. My mind naturally drifts to the negative, so I was thinking “Why me?” and “It’s not fair.” At some point it occurred to me that my crummy attitude was making me feel worse. That’s when I decided to work on this article, hoping to improve my point of view. I started by reading my notes about gratitude. Magically my outlook began to improve. This afternoon, as my thoughts became hopeful, it occurred to me that “maybe I will get over the flu someday.” Then my friend Stef called, which reminded me that I have wonderful friends and family.

I would like to suggest an experiment that I found in “Attitudes of Gratitude.” Tomorrow morning pay attention to everything that goes wrong or you don’t like: traffic is terrible, you hate your boss, or the weather is nasty. Then in the afternoon focus on what is going well that you appreciate: you get a fun e-mail, you enjoy a nice lunch with friends, and your dog looks cute. You may want to write down your gratitude list. At bedtime, think about your day—did you feel better in the morning or in the afternoon? I would love to hear your experiences.

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Note - A version of this article was previously published in Access Press on August 10th, 2006.